Why Is It So Hard to Receive a Compliment?
Why Is It So Hard to Receive a Compliment?
Most people don’t know how to take a compliment.
They deflect, laugh awkwardly, minimise it, or change the subject. Something kind is offered, and it’s pushed away almost immediately.
It can look like humility. It’s often described that way. But underneath, something else is usually happening.
When we reject praise, we’re not just avoiding attention. We’re often avoiding the discomfort of being seen.
A compliment is more than a string of nice words. It’s someone reaching toward you – saying I noticed something, you made a difference, you matter.
And if the first instinct is to swat it away, it’s worth asking gently – what part of me doesn’t feel worthy of being seen like that?
It’s easy to believe that staying small is noble. But there’s a hidden kind of control in denying someone’s expression of appreciation. It’s a way of saying, your view of me is wrong – I know better. That’s not humility. That’s the voice of the old internal authority. The one that learned not to trust positive reflection. The one that braced itself long ago.
So what happens if we try something else?
Here’s a simple practice:
Say thank you. That’s all. No “but,” no explanation. Just the words.
Let them land. You don’t need to fully believe them yet.
Notice the discomfort. Stay with it. Breathe.
See if you can allow their words to exist without needing to argue with them.
This is not about inflating your ego. It’s about making space. Space for connection. Space for kindness. Space for the possibility that the way someone sees you might carry truth, even if it doesn’t match the voice of your inner critic.
Receiving matters more than we realise. It shapes how we relate – not only to others, but to ourselves. If we are unable to take in something good, we often remain tangled in the belief that we are only ever meant to endure.
This is especially true for those who were rarely praised – who learned to brace for judgment, not kindness. In those early conditions, refusing attention made sense. Now, though, it might be time to let something else in.
The next time someone offers a compliment, pause.
Say thank you.
Let it be.
And see what changes when you don’t push it away.